Things are never what they seem
by Lily254
Summary: Uhoh, Goku is confused, Vegeta is shocked, and what about chichi? Yaoi, so no like, no read. Sayonara!
1. Goku Notices something odd

Hiyas Peoples! Lily here. Thought I would try a DBZ fic, and for those of you who hate yaoi, get the hell out of my fanfic! I hate flamers that flame just because they hate yaoi, don't like, don't read. It is people like that that got NC-17 banned.  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Dragon Ball Z, wish I did, but I don't. So you no sue! Arigatou, and enjoy the fic!  
  
Chapter 1  
  
Vegeta and Goku were fighting again, trying to kick each other's ass. Or more like Vegeta was trying to kick Goku's ass, and was only getting blocks in return. He growled, his tail fluffing out, and kicked at Goku's head, trying to remove it with his foot. Goku's arm went up, and the kick was stopped from making contact with the baka's head. He growled again. He could not believe how lucky the baka was. He had yet to land a single hit, and it was obvious that the idiot was holding back. His head snapped back, and he fell to the earth, a look of shock frozen on his face. 'I cannot believe my guard was down that bad!' He hit the earth hard, raising a dust cloud, but by the time the cloud had diminished, he was behind Goku and he slammed his clenched fists into Goku's back, sending him plummeting to earth. A crater appeared around Goku's body, and a faint groan was heard. His keen hearing also picked up on something probably snapped off. It made no sense, so he just ignored it, diving down and landing a kick on the back of Goku's head as he was trying to get up. Face plant right where it was previously. Goku groaned again. This was just not his day. He got a hit on Vegeta, and got a trip to the planet's surface in return, then a reintroduction of his face right afterwards. He roared, went Super Saiyan, and flew straight at Vegeta.  
  
Big mistake. Vegeta simply kneed him in the stomach, and threw an uppercut. Goku went flying again, up this time, and came back down with an earth- shattering crash, adding another crater to the new additions from today. He had a moment to appreciate the fact that he was on his back this time, as watching Vegeta fight was making him hard. He forcibly reminded himself that he was married to Chichi, and got back up, ready to fight again. 'I will not lose, not today.' He soared up and hit Vegeta right above his pants line, making Vegeta bend over in pain. Goku paused, confused. When Vegeta had bent over, he felt something brush his hand, but it would not connect in his brain. Subconsciously, he started to rub Vegeta's stomach where he had hit him, soothing it. Vegeta let out a startled yelp, and flew back as fast as he could. What in the world had made Goku do THAT?  
  
Goku looked down at his hand, then looked up at Vegeta, still confused. What the hell was going on with him today? Normally he was focused on the fight, but today, he was focused on Vegeta more than anything. He turned tail and flew off, his tail waving behind him in the wind. He had to clear his mind, or else go insane. He was married, had two kids, and was happy. So why was he reacting to Vegeta like this? He was straight, he knew he was, so what the hell was going on?  
  
Vegeta watched him fly off, and contemplated a few things. The only thing he could come up with was that Goku was gay or bi, but that was impossible. While not frowned at on Vegetasai, he knew the idiotic people on this planet were against same sex relations. Made no sense to him, but what could he say. There was nothing to be said for human stupidity, and he refused to think of the idiotic subspecies again. Now, what to do about Goku? He knew that the younger saiyan was confused, more so than him, but that still did not give him an answer about what to do with the saiyan. He flew home, determined to work off his frustration until he passed out in the Gravity Chamber.  
  
  
  
Hey, me again! I hope you enjoyed the first chapter, it took a lot of work. I am still working on the days no one forgets, just decided to tackle a second story. Please r&r, and flames are fed to my dog, as I have warned before. 


	2. Chapter 2

Lily: Okaaay! I am back with chapter 2!  
  
Duo: Bout time you lazy bitch!  
  
Lily: Duo!  
  
Vegeta: He is right, as much as I hate to admit it, though he looks a lot like an onna with that hair.  
  
Heero: What . Did . You . Say?!?!  
  
Vegeta: That Duo looks like an onna.  
  
Heero: Omae O Korosu!  
  
Goku: Hey! You can't kill my Geta-chan!  
  
Heero: Watch me.  
  
Goku and Heero get into a fight. Anime dust cloud forms.  
  
Duo: Go Heero!!!  
  
Vegeta: Shut up you stupid onna!  
  
Duo: You shut up you flame-haired freak!  
  
Lily: Alright! ENOUGH!  
  
Fighting instantly stops.  
  
All four: Uhoh. Kuso! RUN!  
  
Dust cloud appears as they all run away.  
  
Lily: Oh no. My muses ran away. HELP!  
  
Chapter 2  
  
Vegeta woke up, laying on a hard floor. He was confused for a second, and then remembered working out his frustration until he passed out. Not a good day. He got up and walked outside, seeing the sun was barely up. He decided that now was as good a time as any to go wake that idiot Kakkarott up. He needed the workout.  
  
A few minutes later he landed in front of the Son house to hear that banshee bitch yelling already. Kami, could she not give it a rest? It was barely daybreak! He walked in without knocking, and the first words out of his mouth were, "Shut up, onna." She glared at him, and approached him with her frying pan raised. He just looked at her. She brought it down over his head, and he yelped. Kami that hurt! He yanked the pan out of her hand, and hit her over the head with it, careful not to crush her skull, no matter how tempting. She fell to the floor with a thud, out for the morning. He grinned. Now to get some real competition! "Kakkarott, get your lazy third class ass down here! It is time to spar!" Gohan stuck his head out seconds later, followed by Goten. "Sorry Vegeta-sama, but Dad is still in bed asleep. He could sleep through a tornado!" Vegeta snorted. He thought back. "Brat, your dad did that last year, now tell him to get his ass up!" "Ummm, sorry Vegeta-sama, but I do NOT want to wake him up. You do it!" With that said, Gohan ran back down the hall, Goten in hot pursuit. 'Now why won't that brat get Goku up?' Vegeta shrugged and started up the stairs.  
  
Seconds later he was outside Goku's door, and he entered, again without knocking. Goku was laying in a patch of strengthening sunlight, in nothing but his boxers, the blanket down near his feet. 'Stupid baka, needs a wakeup call!' With that in mind, vigilantly ignoring the fact that he was starting to think of Goku WITHOUT his boxers, Vegeta strode to his bed, leaned down, and shouted, "KAKKAROTT!" Goku simply groaned, pulled Vegeta down next to him, and snuggled with him, using Vegeta as a pillow. Vegeta's face was beet red, and he tried to get out of the bed, but Goku simply tightened his hold on Vegeta, and snuggled his face into Vegeta's hair. 'Oh Kami, what do I do? On one hand, stay here and get totally embarrassed, on the other hand, break a few bones and pay the cost of a senzu bean. Choices, choices.' Vegeta had already made his choice, out of pride. He started putting pressure on Goku's arm, and a crack was heard, and a howl. "Itaiiiiiiiiiii!" Goku was instantly out of bed, holding his arm to himself, whimpering. Vegeta got up, tossed him a senzu bean, and walked out to track Gohan down. He found him minutes later.  
  
"Brat, if you EVER withhold information from me like that again, you will not be sparring with that Namek for weeks! AM I UNDERSTOOD?!" "H-hai, hai Vegeta-sama!" "Good!" Goten was already long gone, having gone to Trunks' house to avoid Vegeta. He knew exactly what would happen, and did not have a death wish any time soon. Vegeta went back downstairs, picked up the baka's wife, and tossed her through the doorway onto the couch in the living room. She landed with another thud, and there went two more hours of wake-up time. By the time Goku got back downstairs, healed up and in his gi, Vegeta had a Saiyan-sized meal ready to go. "Eat up you baka, we spar in ten minutes." Vegeta had his plate stacked, and was already halfway through it. Goku caught up and easily surpassed the Saiyan No Ouji, much to the Saiyan's disgust. "Goku, do you even chew your food?" "Not really." "Bakayaru."  
  
Goku simply stuck his tongue out at that, and continued eating. By the time Vegeta finished, Goku was patting his belly and letting out a contented sigh. "Hey Vegeta, where is ChiChi?" "Knocked out on the couch." "Why?" "She hit me in the head with that damnable frying pan again, and I do believe it will be the last time." "Oh. Ok." The two Saiyans went outside, flew to a deserted part of the land, and got ready to spar.  
  
Goku waited, and sure enough, Vegeta made the first move. Then it started. Block, block, block, hit. Block, block, block, roundhouse. So the fight went, Goku holding back as usual, and Vegeta getting furious because of it. Then Goku got distracted again. Somehow, he started noticing how Vegeta fit his spandex, and he remembered how Vegeta felt against him. Bad time to get distracted, as Vegeta was out for vengeance. He hit Goku hard, and Goku got pissed. Suddenly, Vegeta was doing all the blocking as he was fighting an enraged Saiyan. Vegeta looked into Goku's eyes as he blocked, and saw lust there, which he was not expecting. His guard dropped, and down he flew, courtesy of Goku. He let out a groan, then lay still, a still enraged Saiyan floating about 50 feet above his body. Goku flew down, landed on top of him, straddling him, and .  
  
Lily: Oh am I evil or what?! Evil cliffie, evil cliffie!  
  
Vegeta: Shut up onna.  
  
Lily: Excuse me, but do you want to get laid in this fic or not?  
  
Vegeta: *gulp* No, you would not dare take that away!  
  
Lily: Keep it up and I will, but only if I do not get more reviews for my story! For those who want me to keep going, review, because not enough people seem to like this fic very much, nor my fic with Heero and Duo. *pouts* Please Review!  
  
Vegeta: Please! I wanna get laid in this story!  
  
Lily: Vegeta! Behave!  
  
Vegeta: *pouts* 


	3. Chapter 3

Lily: Here ya go! Chapter 3! I figured that you guys would want to know what happened, so I was very kind in typing this up. Though I am tempted to make you wait for another week.  
  
Vegeta: About time onna.  
  
Lily: Call me onna one more time and you will be lucky if you get laid anytime this month! I am sick of it, and I may borrow Cathowl's Saiyan Swatter that Washu made for him! Please Cathowl, let me borrow it??? By the by, Cathowl is the reason this chapter is out. I am his beta reader, and he may become mine! I am looking for a beta reader, all those who want to apply, please say so in your reviews, I love reading the reviews! Elanya, I am sorry about that, FF.net was being evil to me. And Kewla, the best way for Vegeta to be happy is to make me happy by not calling me onna! I am not Bulma! And steph, enjoy this chapter! I dedicate this to my reviewers so far, and hope for more to come! Disclaimer is in first chapter, I refuse to repeat it.  
  
Vegeta: Onna, get on with the story!  
  
Lily: Cathowl, really, please let me borrow it, Vegeta is getting on my damn nerves, and Goku won't hurt him! *Does the Duo eyes* Pwease?!?!?!  
  
Chapter 3  
  
Vegeta looked straight into Kakkarott's eyes, wondering what he was up to. Goku was perched on Vegeta's chest, barely any weight placed on him. Goku just smirked, and grabbed Vegeta's wrists in one hand, holding them over the Saiyan no ouji's head. Vegeta was surrounded by this scent, and it started to mess with his mind. Kakkarott licked his lips, and leaned slowly down toward Vegeta. (Now I get evil.) Suddenly, just as their lips touched, there was a shout. "Hey Dad!" "Hey Goku!" Vegeta swore he heard Kakkarott growl before he got off and grinned that stupid grin of his. "Hey Goten, hey Trunks. Why are you two here?" "Well, mom is still unconscious on the couch, and we got hungry. That and we wanna spar!" "Couldn't you go over to Capsule Corp. to get Bulma to feed you?" This time Trunks spoke up. "Come on Goku, you know my mom can't cook!" Vegeta snorted. "The brat is right about that." Trunks saw his dad and grinned. "Hey Dad! Can you cook us some lunch? Please?" Vegeta grumbled. 'Oh, I guess brat. What time is it?" "11:30." "WHAT?!?!?! KAKKAROTT, DID YOU KNOW IT HAD BEEN THIS LONG SINCE WE STARTED SPARRING?!?!?!" "Um.. yes Vegeta, I did." Vegeta was incredulous. "And your stomach didn't rebel at being empty?!?!?!" Goku blushed faintly. "Well, I was.. distracted." Vegeta stared at Goku. Well, he had found a way to distract the baka from his stomach, but was it worth it? His mind and pride said no, but something else said yes, besides his body. He ignored it, having no clue as to what he was feeling, was unfamiliar, therefore useless in his mind. He grumbled again, but flew up and shot off towards the Son house, resigned to cooking until the baka onna woke up. And she would only be able to cook if she did not hit him over the head with that stupid pan of hers.  
  
He growled as he landed, and stormed into the house. 'Good, that harpy is still out, so I do not have to deal with her. What in the world possessed that baka Kakkarott to marry her?!?! I would not bequeath her on my worst enemy, much less Kakkarott. He may be stupid, and I see why now, but he does not deserve that kind of treatment. I am surprised he is not even stupider, what with those stupid pans of hers.' He set about in the kitchen, getting everything started to feed two full grown Saiyans, one teenage Saiyan, and two chibi Saiyans. That meant a lot of food left ChiChi's stores that day, more than she was used to dealing with. By the time the boys and Goku had landed, most of the food was done, and Vegeta was even trying to help Gohan with his homework, which surprised Goku, Goten, and Trunks. This was spooky. Vegeta was cooking, being semi-nice, and helping Gohan with homework, what the hell was happening?!?! Goku walked up to Vegeta and placed his hand on Vegeta's forehead, checking for a fever. Vegeta looked cross-eyed at Goku's hand, and then wrenched it off of his forehead. "Kakkarott, what the hell are you doing?!?!" "Checking for a fever, this is abnormal for you." "I am not sick you baka! Now leave me the fuck alone!" Unfortunately, ChiChi chose this moment to wake up, and she heard what he said, and, most importantly, she heard him cuss. She ran into that kitchen so fast she was a blur, even for Saiyan eyesight, and pulled out her thickest pan, slamming it over Vegeta's head. "ONNA! YOU BITCH, THAT HURT!" She hit him again for calling her a bitch, and yelled right back, "DO NOT CUSS IN FRONT OF MY CHILDREN!"  
  
Gohan could see a war brewing, so he did the only thing he could. He hit her softly in the head, and ChiChi went back to the world of the unconscious. Gohan caught her as she fell, and carried her back into the living room, placing her on the couch. He walked back in, saw his dad and Vegeta staring, and shrugged. "She would have cause a small war with Vegeta, and I do not need that right now, so that was the easiest route I saw. It worked, didn't it?"  
  
Lily: AAANNNDDD CUT! Oh my god, I can't believe that I had Gohan knock ChiChi out!!! She deserved it anyways, she is such an annoying bitch, almost as bad as Relena, the pink bitch. I dislike them both.  
  
Vegeta: *sobbing quietly* she did it again, she did it again.  
  
Lily: I took his lemon away again, he called me onna, so he got punished. If only my muses learned from their mistakes. 


	4. Chapter 4

Lily: Ok, I am back. Some people who shall remain unnamed believe it is my fault that Vegeta is not getting laid, and that I am being unreasonable. Well, excuse me, but I believe that a muse should show some respect if he wants to get laid in a particular story, so I beg to differ. Kewla, this chapter is dedicated to you, because you seem to like my story the most. And, just because Kewla is a very nice person, this chapter will have a lemon, I hope. If not, Kewla, string Vegeta up and tickle him until he begs and promises to behave. Thank you Scott and Cathowl, the swatter will be returned soon, I promise. And Lady-Indis, it all depends on Vegeta.  
  
Vegeta: I resent that, onna.  
  
Lily: Vegeta, do you wanna get laid or not?!?!  
  
Vegeta: *wide eyed and panicky* I apologize, I apologize! Just don't make me wait another chapter!  
  
Lily: Ah, that's better. Disclaimer in first chapter, so fuck you, I am not repeating it.  
  
Chapter 4  
  
Everyone ate, still amazed that Gohan had knocked ChiChi out. Afterwards, when all the dishes were piled up, all five went outside to spar, Gohan with Goten and Trunks, and Vegeta and Goku in another part of the sparring ground. Soon it turned into an all-out-war, starting when Goten and Trunks accidentally ran into Vegeta, and Vegeta blasted them halfway across the sparring ground, where they landed in a pile of limbs, unconscious. That made Gohan fly straight at Vegeta, bent on retribution, and Goku got in the way. Gohan couldn't stop fast enough, and ran right into Goku, who in turn ran into Vegeta. That is about the point where all hell broke loose.  
  
Vegeta reached over Goku's shoulder and hit Gohan in the face, Goku swung around and hit Vegeta in the stomach, Gohan blinked in behind Vegeta and kneed him in the back, and the chibis woke up and joined the warzone. Finally they all dropped to the ground, Trunks on top of Goten, Gohan two feet away, and, across from them, Goku on top of Vegeta. Trunks kissed Goten quickly, not wanting to get caught, even though he was already 16, Goten 15, and by some trick of Dende, when Goku and Vegeta landed, their lips were touching. They were too exhausted to notice, until about ten minutes later. Then Vegeta shoved Goku off, and acted all disgusted. Gohan laughed tiredly, and Goten was still in shock, while Trunks was smirking, still on top of Goten.  
  
A few minutes later Piccolo flew in, smirked at the sight of Trunks on top of Goten, and Goku about ten feet from Vegeta, obviously thrown there. Piccolo leaned down and kissed Gohan on the lips, then asked the question he knew might get him blasted. "So Vegeta, when are you going to go out with Goku?" Oh my Dende, the color Vegeta turned! He was bright red, and he started to growl. "What do you mean?!?!" Piccolo snorted. "It is obvious, just as obvious as Trunks and Goten, though they are just at the beginning. Which reminds me, hey Goten, try kissing Trunks back next time." It was Goten's turn to blush, and blush he did, Trunks only a lighter shade of pink. Vegeta growled again, and Goku laughed, delighted. "Go Trunks!" Trunks by then had bypassed Goten in the blushing department, though he was grinning, thrilled that Goku approved.  
  
Goku sat up and moved over to where Vegeta was sitting, wondering if Vegeta would kill him for what he was thinking of doing. He shrugged. Oh well, if he died, he would die happy. He looked over at Piccolo, raised an eyebrow, and Piccolo got the hint. Piccolo picked Gohan up and flew off, Goten and Trunks following, bickering about something the entire time. Goku grinned, satisfied. Now it was time to unnerve an ouji. Goku leaned in quickly, and kissed Vegeta on the lips, licking at them softly. He felt Vegeta freeze up, and kissed him harder, trying to make the other lose control. He started to massage Vegeta's arms, and slowly lowered him to the ground, still kissing him. Vegeta let out one last growl before giving in and kissing back, trying to hold in his purr. Goku had no such problems. Goku slid his tongue into Vegeta's mouth, purring as Vegeta responded, and started to remove Vegeta's tight tank top. He quickly pulled it over Vegeta's head, and started to kiss down the chiseled chest. He licked Vegeta's nipples, and ran his tongue over the defining lines of Vegeta's stomach. He yanked the spandex pants off, (wonder if Vegeta goes to the same spandex store as Heero? Heero: Leave me out of this!) and continued to kiss his way down. He stopped just before the prize, and looked up, into Vegeta's eyes. Holding Vegeta's gaze, he took his cock into his mouth. Vegeta's eyes slid closed, and a moan slipped out. Goku grinned around Vegeta, and started to hum softly. Vegeta's eyes snapped open, and his startled eyes met Goku's. "Kakkarott .. what .. are you .. doing?" Goku gave a look that said 'isn't it obvious' and kept sucking and humming. He stopped just before Vegeta came, and slid up his body, kissing Vegeta as he started to remove his own clothing. Three seconds later, Goku was naked.  
  
Vegeta looked over Goku's body, hunger evident in his eyes, and flipped their positions to where Goku was on the bottom. Vegeta slipped a finger into Goku's sphincter, and started to move it around, watching Goku for a reaction. Goku moaned and moved his body closer to Vegeta's, asking for more. After a few minutes, Vegeta removed his hand and positioned himself. He slowly eased into Goku, and waited for him to get used to it. When Goku started to move his hips barely a second later, Vegeta started to move. "K- Kakkarott .. mph .." Vegeta was moving faster and harder, reveling in the feel of Goku. Goku was moaning and thrashing, moving his hips with Vegeta. "Geta .. harder .. please .." They moved in tandem, reaching for release. Goku came first, and as he came, Vegeta heard, "Ai .. Shiteru, Vegeta." Vegeta came within a second after hearing that, and they collapsed in a tangle of limbs, Vegeta laying his head right over Goku's heart. They fell asleep like that.  
  
Lily: Wow, looks like Vegeta got his lay.  
  
Vegeta: Bout time you did too, stupid onna.  
  
Lily: Ok, that is it! *takes Saiyan-swatter and pushes button; giant flyswatter pops out and hits Vegeta*  
  
Vegeta: *flattened* Ow ...  
  
Lily: Thanx Scott! *returns Saiyan-swatter* Now that that is over, time for reviews! 


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